bored

Bored


There probably aren’t many people who would find themselves bored in another country the way that I do when we are in Chaves. I am so bored.

When we travel I am happy and alive and enjoy exploring places with my husband and with our children. When we are at Duarte’s parents house, I am forgotten. I am a shadow. A body. Someone might remember to speak to me once during a meal – but they may not. I don’t have much to add to a conversation with my limited Portuguese. The family has a year’s worth of catching up to do and they take advantage of every moment together. I love this about them but I’m bored.

I could jump into the giant Land Rover and explore town but I struggle with the traffic rules, the size of the vehicle, the expense of gas. At home I know how to navigate myself. I can visit with friends, go grocery shopping, clean up my house, go for a walk, take the kids somewhere. I feel a great big barrier of uncertainty here that keeps me from my independence. I know…I should have figured this out years ago. Not yet.

Duarte is fully engaged with his parents, his brother, his work. He spends hours at his computer - which he must do to justify being away from the office. This leaves me with the kids for a long portion of the day and so little for us to do. If it is raining, I am doomed! Duarte means well but balancing his work and his family in Portugal isn’t easy. He is happy here. I want to be and can be at times but there are long stretches when I am not.

We travel to Portugal every year with the purpose of exposing Marcos and Jenna to Portugal and the culture. The time here is meant to allow Marcos and Jenna to develop a relationship with their grandparents, with the land, with the language. I see it all happening. It’s wonderful. Duarte wants me to be here for the same reasons. We have traveled here every year since we met and I have learned much about the culture. My Portuguese vocabulary increases with each visit. I appreciate this time for what it is and for how it helps me grow but the tedium of day after day of being an afterthought is agonizing. I need direction!

What is the answer to this dilemma? I would love to know….

I have proposed to Duarte that in the future I come only for a short time – a week or two rather than a month! He is disappointed by this idea. He would like for us to find a way to be here and be happy as a family. This time is important to him.

Another idea is to find a social network, where Duarte isn’t my world. I agree that this would be helpful. However, I have found that many people aren’t comfortable speaking English. My limited Portuguese unfortunately limits me to rather shallow conversation.

Perhaps the solution would be more clear to you as an outsider. I have yet to figure it out. I’m bored and disengaged and ready to not figure it out.

Help!