I've been duped

I’ve been duped. Madeira, Portugal
May 24, 2009


I'm sitting in an open cafe in Madeira, Portugal. It's a bustling Sunday morning and I'm listening to the clang of church bells and the sounds of tourists breakfasting at tables beside ours. Duarte, Lipe and I are visiting Madeira for a long weekend without the kids. It is an odd thing to suddenly be on vacation and to know so little about the place where I'm visiting. Lipe has set up the entire weekend and I'm along for the ride. So, when I heard we were going to a tropical island way out in the Atlantic ocean - “an island like Hawaii” Duarte and Lipe said, I packed my bathing suit, a paperback and some shorts. I was duped.

Yes, this is an island like Hawaii. It’s very tropical with many banana plantations, black stones, volcanic peaks and EVERYTHING is on an incline... up, up up or down, down, down. But this is not a place to lounge on the beach. There really aren’t any beaches as the island is so rocky and steep. This is an island where people come to hike. Hike! Who goes on vacation to hike? Imagine my surprise.

Yesterday, after a winding drive up, around and through the mountain, I found myself at the highest elevation on the island away from the warmth, sunshine and blue skies in cotton shorts and a synthetic t-shirt. It was about 40 degrees and we were up in the clouds - no sun to be seen. We hiked through lush forests with about 500 other tourists to some pretty incredible waterfalls. Though the scenery truly was remarkable - the tourists were a big turn off for me.

Our hunger was great after 5 hours of hiking and so we sought a nice meal. We drove to a fishing village and had dinner on an outdoor patio overlooking the ocean. We ate “caco” bread and I enjoyed a meal of swordfish with bananas and “ponchas” and “nikitas” to drink. The meal was perfectly satisfying and I anticipated the day being over until we got a phone call. A friend of LIpe’s invited us over for dinner! Lipe wasn’t truthful and told him we hadn’t eaten because he didn’t want to offend the friend. So the next thing I know, we were sitting down for another huge Portuguese meal. It is offensive to hosts in this culture to refuse anything and to not take second helpings. As I mounded up my plate, I cursed Lipe for his deception. We waddled out of their ocean-view apartment around 1:00am. - filled to the top with food and wine.

Today the plan is to hike once again. Apparently today’s hike will be “very exposed.” I’m concerned about this as yesterday’s hike did not have this demarcation and there were times when the path was only 2.5 feet wide with a drop off so steep, I could not see the ground below (guard rails are “not typical.”) Keeping up with these adventurous Portuguese men has proven to be more than I bargained for. I’ll let you know how I fare today. I’m certain there will be some stories to tell.

Later…

Yes, I have a story to tell, damn it. Thirty minutes into our hike today, I realized that my overwhelming sense of vertigo was not to allow me to complete the planned 3- hour hike. This hike consisted of a 3 feet wide path with a light wire “guard rail” on either side. This flimsy guardrail was all that stood between the hiker and depths too far below for me to glimpse or fathom. I promptly bailed on the boys and decided to try my luck driving on this ridiculously steep island. I don’t know what was more risky the hike or the drive.

Lipe compassionately insisted that the drive would be easy and that I could “just meet them at the other peak” where they were hiking. He said – “just get in the car, go left at the first intersection and then look for signs”. He also said that the drive would take an hour and a half. Have you ever jumped in a car turned left and then seen a sign that points to your destination when the destination is over an hour away? Once again, I realized, I had been duped.

Lipe has a Portuguese speaking GPS navigation system for driving. Thinking I was being so crafty, I tampered with her to find the British speaker named Anna. Anna (aka: Matilda, dad!) and I quickly became enemies. She is a know it all who will not divulge information when I need it, nor is she trustworthy and she doesn’t tell me when I am wrong. I hate Anna. It would be hard to go into precise detail of all that occurred during the 2 hours Anna and I were together. I will say that I circled a little village more than 14 times before I gave up and cried. Also, I drove up an incline so steep it would have been better to have used a ladder and when I was half way up this hill (in first gear) another car came down the opposite way and I had to BACK UP!!!! F$%& Anna!

I’m now on the balcony of our hotel room hoping the acid reflux I experienced during my outing will soon go away. I called Duarte and Lipe and told them they were on their own for getting home. I wonder if they will make it back today? I wonder if I care?

For now, I’ll drink my beer, look out at the ocean and be so grateful for a peaceful moment in this ridiculous “vacation.”