What I miss.

June 6, 2007

We are heading back to Chaves from a beautiful week at the beach. I have two weeks remaining in Portugal. At this point, my feelings are mixed about my return to the United States. Leaving such a special place and such a rare and special time of our lives together will be difficult. Since I have met Duarte, sabbatical has been a part of our life plan. It has always been something out there waiting for us…the carrot before the horse. What will be next for us? We certainly can’t live without a dream of our next adventure. While we have been in Portugal, we have lived fully doing our best to fill our days with memories. We have taken time to re-group as a family and to question our reality. I am so thankful for the perspective we have all gained from being here. I hope that this new perspective is indeed helpful when we return to the US. I realize what a privilege these 6-months have been. I don’t think I have taken anything for granted. Through all of the wonder, however, I am looking forward to a few things that are a part of my own culture.

Driving. I’m tired of driving in Portugal. Portuguese drivers are known to be the most aggressive in all of Europe. When I do drive, I drive the huge landrover on roads and streets meant for tiny little European cars. It is a man’s world over here predominantly and women have very little respect – especially on the roads. Even Duarte chides me when I drive. I can’t wait to hop in my automatic Honda CRV and drive all by myself without worrying whether or not I am in the wrong lane or if I am going the correct speed limit or what to do in a roundabout.

Showers. Oh, for a stand up shower! I’ve become accustomed to bathing in a bathtub with the hand held shower attachment but admittedly I waste too much water as I’m not very efficient in washing and shaving and rinsing with only one hand.

My own pillow!! I am a pillow snob. I love my down pillow that I left at home. No longer will I sleep on the huge, overly plush pillow that has left a sore spot in my neck.

My own space. There really is no place like home – even when we are staying in a place that is in many ways better than home. I look forward to my room, our house, our back porch and all of my things.

Control. Friends, you can attest that I like control maybe a little too much. In the beginning of my stay here I had to shed a layer of myself as I reluctantly shed control as a part of my being. I simply cannot have it when I live here. On any given day at any given moment our plan will change without me having any notion of the change. For those who have visited, you know what I am talking about. If we start with plan A at the beginning of a day we are almost always at plan double Z by the end of the day. I have surrendered myself to this crazy lifestyle and to the fact that I truly do not know what is going on. Aghh… I look forward to reacquainting myself with control! I will be able to call a friend, drive my car, feed my children and fix problems.

Communication. Probably what I miss the most is my language. Though I can get by with my ragged Portuguese I can’t truly have a conversation. I miss talking and listening and expressing myself. Language is absolutely integral to truly living. Writing has helped me have a mode for expression but I long for time with friends and family where I can just talk.

Friends. Duarte and I have spent a lot of time together. This time has been beneficial for us but also wearing at times. I can’t wait to catch up with everyone upon our return. As there is much that has happened to us, there are also interesting things that have happened to them. And…Book Club!! I love book club nights.

Food. I am reluctant to say that I am looking forward to any food item in the US as Portugal puts our diet to shame. I eat four or five square meals a day here. Food is an art. The Portuguese have much pride in their cooking. Meals are an important part of daily life in Portugal. With that said, I do have a hankering for a bit of food diversity every once in a while. Because I don’t eat red meat or pork, my meals are always fish, shrimp or chicken. Vegetarian dishes simply are non-existent. I do not yearn for the frozen veggie burgers that are too often our main staple in the US. I do look forward to a thick burrito stuffed with beans, cheese, vegetables, rice, and whatever else. The mere difference in its essence is enough to make me salivate. India Pavilion is impossible not to miss.

Work. I haven’t decided for sure if I miss work or not. I haven’t actually had the pleasure of giving it up entirely to say for sure. Though I have been on a leave of absence, my job is far too complex to truly let go. I don’t miss the daily routine of it all and I dread the stress that accompanies my summers. It will be a cruel shock to go from this easy life to full on summer programming mode. However, in some odd way, it might feel good to go back to what I think I am good at and become a more productive member of society once again.

Chili!!! No, not the food! Our dog. She has been content with her accommodations these past 6-months as she has been staying with her best friend Bristol. She may not want to leave her “sister” to come back to us but we are ready to see her.

I love Portugal. I love our family and I love the way we have lived for all of these months. I think I am able to have such an appreciation because I know that it will have an end. In two weeks I will be home. I can’t imagine what it will feel like to transition back to such a different life – and on my own as my family will come 10 days after me. I am going to miss them…I haven’t been alone in a long time. In the meantime, I will do my best to enjoy each beautiful moment, every delicious meal, uncomfortable showers, my fluffy pillow, our dogless life, my scratchy language and the time with my family.