Family Time

Family Time

May 25, 2007

We have had tremendous travel experiences during our time in Portugal but I think the time that I value the most is our family time. The constant presence of family in our day-to-day routine has made a difference in our quality of life. The love Duarte’s parents have for our children is astounding. They truly cherish the time they spend with Marcos and Jenna and I know that Marcos and Jenna equally enjoy their time with their grandparents.

Yesterday Lipe and Susana came over to Quinta da Mata for dinner which they typically do once or twice a week. Duarte, the kids and I eat at Quinta da Mata nearly every meal, every day when we are in town. On our way to Quinta da Mata, we saw Filinto in the driveway watering his flowers. Seeing him, we stopped to say “Hi” and he called Marcos over to help him. Marcos readily hopped out of the car to join his grandfather. We parked the car and walked back with Jenna to where we dropped Marcos only to find Lipe and Susana had arrived. Lipe invited Marcos to help him drive the remainder of the way down the driveway. Marcos accepted and off they went happily honking to the front of the house. When Jenna saw Tia Susana she reached out for Susana to take her and would not come back to me even after I reached for her. Susana carried her all the way back to the house. It is wonderful to have family around to love our children and care for our children as we do. I never worry about the whereabouts of the kids when we are all together because someone has them and they are off enjoying something fun together.

Mornings are a special time for Duarte, Marcos, Jenna and I. Without a schedule to keep us moving, we have time to take it slow. There is time for cuddling in bed, playing games, and taking baths. Our mornings have a peaceful flow rather than a hurried, scurry to get out the door.

Duarte and I have had time to reconnect as a couple with the family’s help. Since we have had children, our relationship has changed in unexpected ways. Duarte and I met and became friends through paddling and backpacking. Those activities were the first to go with the arrival of Marcos. Now with guilt-free and cost-free help, we are able to play together again. We paddle, bike, hike, go out for meals, have long, uninterrupted conversations, we take off for full weekends, full days or even just into town for a coffee. We aren’t the only ones benefiting from family help. Marcos often asks if he can spend the day with his grandfather instead of going somewhere with us. There are nights when we go out for dinner and while we are out Geninha calls and begs us to leave the kids overnight so that we won’t disturb their sleep. It is hard to say “no.” In the morning when Duarte and I arrive to Quinta da Mata for breakfast, invariably Geninha looks tired. When we ask if Jenna had been up during the night she says “no.” She claims that Jenna is a little angel or a saint. She is so tired because she puts Jenna in bed with her and then stays awake watching her sleep throughout the night.

Jenna is quite spoiled with all of the love and attention she gets every moment of every day. She eats blended soups made especially for her each day. She plays and dances and sings and is always learning new things. Her grandmother is devoted to doting on every little need Jenna may possibly have. It is no wonder that Jenna is the happiest child on earth.

It took Marcos a long time to warm up to his grandmother. Marcos is by nature strongly opposed to eating. Food and Marcos are not friends. As you might imagine, this worried his grandmother as she believes that food is central to a person’s well-being. With time, they have grown to have affection for one another. Geninha has found a way to feed Marcos without him complaining too much and all is now well with that relationship.

The relationship that most touches my heart is that of Marcos and Filinto. They have a special bond and are truly very good friends. Filinto is patient, kind, funny and interesting to Marcos. Though he is often busy, he will take time to play with Marcos the way Marcos wants to play. I can see the love in Filinto’s eyes as he gazes upon his grandson. He is filled with stories about Marcos after we have left him in his care for longer periods of time. They are quite a pair.

“It takes a village to raise a child” so the saying goes… and I believe it. As parents who work and value free-time and who have friends and a relationship with one another, I think we cannot raise our children as well as we would like. With the help of family, we have all found a more balanced life and we are all happy. The end of our six months is coming fast and I am already worried about the affect of our “goodbye.” It’s hard to be content knowing that Jenna won’t remember her grandmother in 6 months when right now she is the center of her life. It will take time for Marcos to warm up to his grandparents the next time we see them. How much time? And what about Duarte and I? How long will it be before we can spend hours at a time together without worrying about how much we are spending on a babysitter or whether or not Marcos has eaten?

There is a toll to be paid for so much quality time. We will feel it in our hearts as we long for the nearness of loved ones. Undoubtedly, we will find a way to make it even in our hurried American life…I just hope the memories of this beautiful time will sustain us rather than feed the emptiness. We are all better for the experience we have had together – even if it is painful to face the ending. Perhaps these relationships will encourage even more visits with one another and longer visits.

I’m not ready to say goodbye just yet.